Why Men Hate Going to Church

David Murrow wrote a book by the name Why Men Hate Going to Church a few years back. There was a short burst of interest in Christiandom, but like so many fads, the interest faded and the problem continues: men don't go to church. Statistically, only 40% of those in churches on a given weekend are men. Some denominations the numbers are worse, some better, but in no case do men outnumber women in any denomination.

As a former men's ministries director of a church, as a member of the leadership team of another, and as a member of a men's ministry leadership team at a third church, I'd like to offer some perspectives on the issue.

First of all: wrong issue. The concern shouldn't be if men are or aren't going to church. It should be about a relationship with Jesus Christ. Are men becoming disciples of Jesus? If the women's numbers are padded by "social" Christians, the problem is quite different -- like who do you move those "social" Christians to a truer faith? Let's consider the right issue. Sadly, there are no clear statistics, just anecdotes, about the devotion of the individuals.

Is it even an issue at all? Some statistics say 40 to 45% of Americans are in church on a Sunday. Those numbers of held since 1960. But there's a problem with those numbers -- the number of churches has grown by only 25% of what is needed to hold those numbers. Moreover, if you multiple the average reported attendance (reported by churches) by the number of churches, the percentage in church on a given Sunday would be about 17% of the population.

Bottom line: people lie about their faith. Are women more likely to lie? Is that why there is "more" faith statistically among women?

Is it an issue at all?

My conclusion: I think it is, but don't trust the statistics. I think the result of looking to the statistics will end up treating the symptoms, not the cause.

Second of all: what is the cause?

I think it is multiple reasons ... one is the feminization of Christianity. That is a solvable one -- get back to the roots.

Another is related: churches aren't men-friendly -- you have "Jesus is my boyfriend" music for one. But this is a trap. Many have seen this, and their solution -- shorter sermons, shorter services and the like. My thoughts on short services -- that's garbage. Men will sit through 3 hour football games, sit in deer stands in the cold for 6 hours, go to 2.5 hour movies. Length is not the issue.

But the bottom line: the system is designed for the results you are getting. Men aren't going to church because the system is designed to repel them. Some of the system elements:

1) The system is designed to create dependence on itself
-- you sit staring at the back of the heads in front of you pretty much the whole time. You are dependent on someone to tell you what to sing, tell you what to believe (thus the sermon), to control everything.
Men aren't designed to be dependent on anything but God and the church ain't God. Men are designed to be mutually dependent in community, I believe, but that's not a dependency on a pastor who is dependent pretty much on our accolades and "tithes". Much more mutual than that.
2) The system is designed to control
-- the head is to be Christ, but we've managed to put a layer there. We delegate listening to God's direction to professionals. It's a system that belittles men's abilities. It limits them.
3) The system is designed to limit
-- men want to make a difference. Yes, you can make a difference in the kid's program, but those roles are oft designed to be interchangeable. You don't make the difference uniquely with who you are. Men don't want to simply make a difference, they want to be the hero, the difference maker.

What's needed is a new system. Or maybe it is an old system, that dates back to the time of Jesus. A system that eliminates bureaucracy, where if there are professionals they are not controllers or leaders, but enablers (positively speaking) and coaches. Where men listen to the Spirit themselves, not to the pastor, for direction. Where the relationship with Jesus is not filtered through priests, pastors and/or elders. Where Jesus is the head, unfiltered by a clergy/laity hierarchical divide.

The army of God is ready to move. Not sit in the warehouses at major intersections in our cities.

See also The 800 lb Gorilla