Integrating the pulls against me

One thing that I've struggled with is "integrating" the passions, interests, and talents. Jesus did say his yoke is light -- I just don't think that I need strain to balance diverse interests. Those who've been wildly successful typically are focused with a passion, not splitting them. Maybe that's an illusion - maybe they just aren't as successful in the others and the one they are known for overshadows the rest.

One big theme has been a desire to see others step fully into what God calls them to be (more on this in a future post in the "The story so far" series I'm planning). Yet the past year has been a lot into "church" structures (as long term readers know). Some of that is that I've seen too much the church has interfered through bureaucracy and other items to keep men and women from being what God intended. But it seems to be a distraction now.

A third factor came to play last May. God clearly spoke that my intellect is not to be neglected. For the last few years I had assumed that my earning of a PhD was more a reaction of wounding. One of the few ways my dad showed pride in me had been in academics, and in digesting the work and words of John Eldredge (Wild At Heart, the Wild At Heart Boot Camp, et al), I had thought the PhD was just a result of vows from the wounding. But sitting on a couch talking to someone I knew through an online discussion forum while at a retreat, I got socked in the gut by the guy's words. He's sitting there telling me he's amazed by my faith "despite" my education and intellect. Not that I've ever been open about my education -- humbleness or false humility had kept me hiding it. Yet this man saw through that and could tell I must have advanced degrees, and was amazed at the work God had done in me "despite" it. God followed up on that: clearly He doesn't intend to waste my education. So how does it factor in?

This isn't the first time I've faced such questions -- it has occurred in two ways in the past. Spiritual gift assessments would show a multiple set of gifts, and I faced the question what roles used all that? I sliced that Gordian when I discovered that passion and desires, not talent, is the real way to determining what's place in God's story. The other was looking at what those passions were -- I had done such a diverse set of things in the past, and enjoyed much of all of them (college ministry, benevolence ministry, teaching, men's ministry, et al). I found the common theme -- I always organized (or reorganized) and executed it in a way that made use of those volunteers I had. I found way to unleash who they were, rather than creating a system and fitting square pegs into round holes to get it implemented.

Past experience tells me the way to go is just to keep walking with God, and trust Him to show the way. It is great to have that confidence. Just gets frustrating at times, and even hesitant to step a direction because it doesn't satisfy all "requirements".

So, I guess for now I can just end this with ... To Be Continued. Together we can find out how it will continue, because I don't know myself.


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Some admin notes: I was thinking of really trying to make this just twice per week, once on Sunday/Monday and then on Wednesday/Thursday. Then ideas flooded in. I think this will be at least that often.

I'm going to kick off a sporadic series "The story thus far". This blog is supposedly about "Journeying through life, trying to restore others hearts as well as my own", so if I'm journaling about finding my heart it makes sense to add some background -- like how I got to where I am now. Might help explain some of the topics I pick, and what may be to come.

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